Short story

You would think an assassin would know how to use a gun. But not the one that I met. It all began last week when I was on my way to school. There I was, minding my own business, when a squirrel threw a nut at me. I know right. So I did what anybody else would do, post it online and then I chased after the flippin squirrel. Now chasing squirrels is a very difficult thing to do because they have the whole “up in the tree business” going on. In my anger, I ran up the tree, only to get railed by a branch unseen by me. As I laid on the ground, my head swirling, I heard a different noise in the forest. A yell of anger. I stiffened immediately. The yells continued and suddenly became louder and louder. “Please don’t find me, please don’t find me” I chanted to myself like it would actually help. And as suddenly as the yells had started, they stopped. “Yes!” I thought and then I opened my eyes to find a big, burly man standing over me. I screamed. Screamed like a little girl. Now, at this point in the story, I would like to take a moment to give some advice to whoever is reading this. When approached by an assassin, don’t ever, EVER, scream like a little girl. Now back to our featured presentation. The man picked me up by the throat, making my scream sound like gargled toothpaste, and threw me up against the tree. “Stop SCREAMING!!!!” he roared at me. I don’t know if it was my rebellious side that kicked in or what but I screamed even louder. Let me rephrase that, I gargled even louder. That is when he broke my nose. He dropped me to the ground and started to tie me up to the tree. I stopped screaming. I lay there, bloody nosed, up against a tree that I am being forced to share a rope with. This is when I started asking a million questions a minute. “ Who are you? Why are you here? Do you usually carry a rope with you? Why were you yelling? Why am I doing all the talking? Why aren’t you talking? Do you like the taste of blood? How did I get here? Do you see the glass as half full or half empty?” you get the idea. Then the ginormous mystery man slapped me across the face. It hurt but I’ll be the first to admit it that I deserved it, I mean, my manners went right out the window. So I don’t hold that against him. Finally he spoke. “I am going to take you and .........” That’s when I blacked out. I don’t know if it was because of pure terror that he actually spoke or because the mysterious fog that had suddenly appeared, I don’t know, all I know is that I blacked out. I next awoke in a darkened apartment, the TV on, and the mystery man sitting in the chair next to me. I tried not to move or make any indication that I was awake so that I would have time to think. Ten seconds into the pretending, the operation was abandoned when he said,” I know your awake.” Creepy right. So, reluctantly, I opened my eyes and turned my attention towards the television. We were watching one of those criminal investigation shows and the mystery man was laughing his head off at it. We must have watched TV for at least two hours, and all we watched was criminal investigation shows. The mysterious man would say the occasional,” That’s not how a dead body looks” or “Why is he using a semi-automatic?” or my personal favorite “ They call this gory?” Finally he turned to me and said,” I need your help.” I was shocked to say the least. I countered with “ Who are you?” He replied,” I am John”. Interesting concept because my name is John too. It was silent for several minutes til finally I couldnt take it anymore. “Can I help you with something?” I asked. He was silent for a minute and then replied,” Yes, yes you can.” For what seemed like the twentieth time that day I was shocked. John explained “ I am an assassin. It is my job to kill people. Up until now, I have been a silent killer, you know knives, forks, ball point pens, that sort of stuff. Well the Agency wants me to start using guns, they say it is a lot less messy. Problem is, I’ve never shot a gun before. Can you help me?” “Um sure, I replied as if I had a choice.” He was so excited. He said,”What first?” We preceded to go to the arcade to play the gun games there, you know the ones with the aliens popping out of cars and stuff. From there we moved to laser tag, paint balling, and air softing. By the end of the day, we were both exhausted and ready for sleep. The next day, he brought out real guns and I taught him how to shoot (Steady now), how to clean it ( make sure the safety is on, when you arent shooting it) and other general gun rules. That evening he dropped me off, after swearing me to secrecy and threatening to kill me about thirty billion times, I went to sleep and sleep very well. The next morning, this morning, I wonder if it was all a dream. If it was, what a sweet dream, if it was real, well, then wow. nuff said.

Graveyard

I rule the night. No one dares come to me at night. I send them off in a fright. Doesnt matter if they are young or old, They all cring when hurrying by. Not going to lie, I scare the living daily lights out of eyes. But then the morning comes. And i do not rule the morning. So silently and softly, i creep into the shadows, hoping nobody remembers that it was me who terrified them in the night. By noon day, the sun is high, and no shadows can hide me. People come, because they do not fear me in the day, and mock me with flowers and cards. Then the sun goes down.......I rule the night!!!!!!!!!

The Cat and the Yarn Ball

No! Dont touch me, you mustnt. I am fragile, tender, and tired. I do not want to play. I want to lay. I cant be rolled around like some chew toy. I have a job to do. And i intend to do it. My mission is to make sweaters, blankets, and gloves. Not to be pushed around and shoved. So I say no!!!! Cat get out the way, I ve done away with childish things. Get out the way, cause i comin through. Get out the way because I'm done with you.

Conquer!

First I ll take over my colony. Yes thats what i ll do. From there we ll conquer the neighborhood, hill by beeping hill. Soon enough we'll have enough hills to cover the Empire State building, which is my goal. Now, where to start? I ll go to Jimmy first, he's the biggest ant in the colony. He lifted ten leaves at once last week. Yes Jimmy is the start.

Good List

As high school comes to a close
I ponder things that could be
Things i should have won
Things i should have done
Sports i should have played
Things for which i should have paid
So here it comes: a list of regrets

I wish I would have kissed a girl
Gotten the guts and just done it
But oh well
VL for life

I wish I would have skipped class
I wish I would have gotten an f
But oh well
A's are fine with me

I wish I would have gone in the tunnels
Crouching in the dark
But oh well
I'm fine with the light

I wish I would have played football
Gone and bust some heads
But oh well
I'm good with cheering